Harry Potter and the Serbian Potato
by mushroomsandphoenixwands
Summary: Harry Potter, now 19 and tasked with hunting the last dark wizards in the realm by the Ministry of Magic, falls into a most bizarre adventure which transports him through time and space to become the catalyst of a great war that changes the world forever. The great muggle war of 1914 looms as Harry joins a group of wizards to fight the tyranny of the Austro-Hungarian empire.
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the Serbian Potato

It was a misty spring morning in London when Harry woke up groggily to the sound of owls screeching and fluttering past him as he lay on a bed of straw atop the roof of the Leaky Cauldron. He fumbled about for his glasses and lifted his head slightly to look over the small ledge behind him towards Diagon Alley which seemed to be empty except for a troupe of goblins hobbling to work. It was extremely cold and Harry realized he was shivering which almost made him disregard how horribly hungover he was. It had been quite wild the night before when Harry had gone partying with the Weasleys and some friends to celebrate Fred's birthday. They had had a wizard time and Harry vaguely remembered staggering inside Voldy's Den, the biggest wizard bar in London at around 2 in the morning but he could only remember keeping his lips to a glass of Honeygin and everything else was blank.

So how did he end up on the roof of the Leaky Cauldron then? To make it worse, he wasn't wearing a shirt or shoes so he was desperately trying to get himself on to his feet to go somewhere warm. Finally, he got up and spotted his wand laying askew on the straw. Picking it up hastily, he descended down the stairs and into the pub which was occupied by a group of eccentric looking wizards smoking something out of pipes that smelled suspiciously like kush. Harry went into the kitchen to look for Tom the barkeeper, but there was nobody there except for the huge cauldrons and pots on the stove that were cooking on their own and giving off an amazing aroma, making Harry realize how extremely famished he was. He grabbed a bowl and went towards the closest cauldron which smelled like an amazing beef stew and ladled his bowl full with it. He looked around for some bread and spotted some loaves inside a cabinet just next to an oak barrel which Harry gazed at with delight.

Armed with a pitcher, Harry marched over to the barrel and opened the tap, impatient to take a swig of Tom's famous ale. Harry had learned from experience that the best way to avoid a hangover was to keep drinking the next morning and this is what he planned to do. Grabbing a loaf of bread, he was about to sit down when a large round potato fell out of the cabinet. Annoyed, he bent to pick it up but just as he curled his fingers around it, everything went black. Harry suddenly felt an excruciating pain in his head and he instinctively started to scream as the pain got unbearably worse. It was beyond any pain he had ever felt before and he promptly passed out.

The passers-by looked curiously albeit fleetingly at the wild looking boy sleeping on the side of the street with an odd looking stick jutting out of his jeans pocket. Everyone seemed to be hurrying somewhere and not stopping to talk or loiter around as they would usually do in this part of the city during normal times. But these were not ordinary times in Sarajevo, as everyone knew only too well and the darkening skies made everyone scurry to safety in a hurry. The sleeping boy suddenly sat up with a jolt and looked around with a look of total confusion in his eyes. At least, that was what Gavrilo could see, seated on the steps of a pleasure house, smoking his pipe, pulling his shawl tighter around his neck as he observed the boy across the street trying to get to his feet.

Harry looked around in bewilderment, this did not seem at all like Diagon Alley or even Knockturn Alley for that matter. He had no clue where he was and he was freezing even more than before. He felt a burning pain in the palm of his right hand as if he had just touched something extremely hot but could not remember what. A sudden pang of hunger flared up in Harry's stomach and he heaved himself on to his feet in spite of feeling extremely dizzy and weak. He saw a man sitting on the stairway of a gaudy looking house, wearing a knee length coat and desert boots, thickly bearded with a prominent scar on his left cheek all the way down to his neck. He was staring directly at Harry and for a crazy moment, he thought that the man might know him.

Gavrilo had seen enough to know who the boy must be, he motioned for him to come over and when there was no response he took out a chunk of cheese and waved it at the bespectacled and shirtless boy. The boy tentatively came over to him and studied his face before reaching out and taking the cheese. Gavrilo then removed his coat and gave it to the boy who hesitated but then took it and slid his arms through it, all the while looking at him curiously. Finally, the boy asked,

"Can you tell me where am I? What is this place?".

Gavrilo did not understand this foreign tongue but he guessed it must be what they spoke in Britannia. He wondered what this English boy was doing in the streets of Sarajevo but he had a curious feeling that it wasn't a coincidence and he was certain that it was a wand sticking out of the boy's pocket. The scar on his forehead could however only mean one thing, he must be the chosen one. He answered the boy in his native Bosnian tongue and watched as the boy stared uncomprehendingly at him. He then slid his wand out and pointing it at the floor, muttered something which produced a burst of flames that coalesced to form a small fire. The boy's eyes widened as he watched this and his eyes flickered instinctively to his own wand but before he could move a muscle Gavrilo had grabbed his hand and swiveled around and they were no longer there.

Harry had no time to think or react before he landed on his butt, his hand still trying to pull out his wand. He was too late however, as the rugged looking man had already beaten him to it and stood over him with both wands at his side. Wandless and clueless, Harry was beginning to feel both scared and worried. Where the hell was he and who was this foreign wizard? A door opened just then and a woman walked inside. She spoke briefly with the man and after nodding her understanding, asked Harry in deeply accented English,

"Who arr you? What you arr doing hierr? Wherr you from?"

"My name is Harry, I'm from London and that is where I was a few minutes ago, I have no clue how I ended up here, where am I?"

"You arr in Sarrajevo and zis is not good time to come hierr. Zis man is my husband, Gavrilo."

Her answer left him perplexed. He suddenly remembered an unusually round potato and thought of the burn on his hand and it suddenly occurred to him that he may have unknowingly used a Portkey. Feeling somewhat relieved he asked the man for his wand so that he could apparate back to London and get himself a glass of Scotch to cure his parched throat. But the man simply shook his head, pointed at Harry's scar and said something to the woman. She said,

"You can not go now, Gavrilo says you arr marked, he has been looking for a wizard with scarr, you arr hierr now, she said you will come, she is neverr wrrong !"

"I have no idea what you mean, I'm sorry but you must be mistaken, why were you looking for someone like me anyway?"

"Tomorrow comes ze prrince of Austria to Saraajevo, we must kill him! You have to help us, zey have destroyed our people, everrybody is starrving, no food to eat, we arr helpless!"

"The prince? What prince? What are you talking about? Is this a joke?"

Gavrilo pulled something out of his pocket and thrust it at Harry, it was a crumpled up newspaper with an indecipherable script and a moving picture of a stately man who looked quite like a prince from many years ago. Harry scanned the page and his heart almost skipped a beat as he glanced at the top. He blinked and stared incredulously at the date printed on the top.

27.06.1914

Harry gulped and looked at Gavrilo. Harry did not know what to make of it all. He had apparently touched a Portkey that had not only taken him to Bosnia but also to 75 years back in time!


	2. Chapter 2

Harry woke up with a start. His scar had pained him in a way that he wasn't familiar with. Yesterday was the first time his scar had hurt this way and he was worried about what it meant. Gingerly lifting his head up from the stone floor, he looked around at the other sleeping bodies sprawled before him, all of them women, in various states of undress. He gazed at the girl lying next to him, an exotic looking Balkan beauty who looked no older than himself and was for some reason completely naked. She had firm and well rounded breasts, their size in perfect proportion to her body, her long hair falling over her soft pink lower half of her body was draped in a fiery red translucent cloth that did nothing to conceal the silky mound of hair growing between her legs. Harry himself was only wearing his briefs and before he knew it, felt his penis harden and could not help edging closer to the girl who looked incredibly enticing in that position. Ever since defeating Voldemort, there had been an abundance of witches who were only too delighted to spread their legs for him and Harry had spent the last two years bedding half of all the eligible witches in London and his instincts were telling him to take the sleeping girl right there. The sweet musky smell of her naked body was extremely tempting and she was moaning softly in her sleep, her breasts rising and falling with her breaths.

The events of the previous day had been the most bizarre incident to ever befall Harry, notwithstanding all the adventures he had been put through until now, which seemed to pale in comparison. He had somehow gone back in time by touching a magic potato portkey to the year 1914 and he had no idea how to get back. Gavrilo and his wife Natalija had explained to him that the portkey meant it was not a mistake or a coincidence that Harry was here since Serbia was officially embroiled in a potato war. Disbelievingly, Harry had listened to how Serbia , the world's biggest potato producing nation had been falsely charged of exporting bewitched potatoes by its arch rival Austria and now no one except their ally Germany would buy their potatoes. Since the potato trade made up more than 90 percent of their income, Serbia was helpless and on their way towards famine and mass revolt. It was suspected that an Austrian wizard had jinxed a shipload of Serbian potatoes and caused them to create havoc in all the countries to where it was shipped. Stories of exploding potatoes, potatoes morphing into rats, rogue potatoes that would launch themselves at passing people had emerged and now there was a worldwide muggle embargo on Serbian potatoes.

Harry had been convinced that he was dreaming while listening to this extraordinary tale and was hoping that Fred had maybe dropped a handful of mushrooms into his drink the night before. He had been sitting in the basement of a whorehouse which was where the Black Hand, a group of Serbian wizards of whom Gavrilo was leader, met to meet and plan an attack on the Austrian crown prince Ferdinand, who was slated to visit Sarajevo the next day. They asked Harry to join them in their mission to warn the Austrian king, an evil muggle, by injuring or capturing the prince and forcing them to reveal the truth to the world about who enchanted the potatoes.

xxx

As Harry reluctantly got to his feet, the girl moved in her sleep and the cloth that covered her modesty slid onto the floor, revealing a majestic bush of hair and the sight of her slightly parted lips which made Harry's member throb even more. Taking a deep breath, Harry climbed up the wooden staircase to the kitchen where he poured himself a mug of beer and tried to stop thinking of the girl's swollen lips. The beer tasted like the greatest thing he had ever had and soon enough, he had refilled his mug four times and was feeling quite intoxicated. Still wearing his briefs, Harry got to his feet and wandered down the corridor and pushed open the first door he came across and staggered inside.

Harry was extremely drunk as he held on to the door before he spotted a queen sized bed in the middle of the room. Swaying dangerously, he collapsed onto the bed and closed his eyes immediately. He was woken up almost instantly by someone tugging him by his feet. A tall, mustachioed man was at the foot of the bed and trying to yank him off of the bed. Beside him to Harry's amazement, was the young Balkan girl from before and it soon became clear to Harry what the man trying to rip his leg off wanted. This angered Harry most unnaturally and he whipped his wand out and shouted 'INCARCEROUS!'. The man was thrown off his feet and snake like cords came forth from Harry's wand and wrapped themselves around him and had him bound and trapped on the floor. Harry got to his feet and walked slowly towards the girl, noticing her prominent green eyes as he pulled her towards him. Grabbing her by the throat, he slammed her onto the bed after making sure to close and bolt the door. The girl started to say something with fear in her eyes but Harry promptly slapped her across the cheek and ripped the front of her lace gown revealing her perfectly shaped breasts. Pulling her dress off completely, Harry traced his fingers down from her bellybutton until they reached a soft tuft of hair which he proceeded to stroke before he edged further down between her legs and felt a soft parting which trembled to the touch. Kicking off his briefs, Harry gave in to his bodily urges, pounding the girl whose name he didn't know of and having his way with her until he exploded, breathing heavily and pulling roughly at her long silky hair.

xxx

It was briefly past three in the evening as the members of the Black Hand sat crouched and hidden atop the roof of Hotel Veela, straining their eyes on the railway station exit directly ahead of the hotel. There were six of them, all wands at the ready and a distinctive scar on each of their faces. The plan was to kidnap the prince, torture him and hold him captive until the Austrians revealed to the world about what had really afflicted the potatoes. Harry felt oddly at ease, perhaps his experience in hunting down the last few Death Eaters in England had made him ready for such a task. The Ministry of Magic had tasked him with finding and eliminating any remaining Death Eaters as he saw fit and he had been enjoying his work immensely. He had by now used the killing curse several times and it had given him a strange sense of pleasure every time he had done it. He could almost empathize with Voldemort now, the sensation he felt as he struck down a man was on par with releasing his seed inside a woman. Killing and making love seemed to be equally amazing and Harry thought he deserved it both after all he had done for the world.

The procession had arrived at the station, the prince ascended a car and drove down the street. Harry fired the first curse, bellowing 'LACARNUM INFLAMARAE!' and pointed his wand at the car. The street lit up as a fireball issued forth from Harry's wand that was followed a second later by five other fireballs. The balls of fire converged towards the car and the entire right side of the car exploded on impact. Pieces of shrapnel and metal blew through the wind and smoke started billowing out from the car. A figure rolled out of the side of the car and came to a stop a few meters away. Miraculously, he got up and staggered to the side of the street. Harry raised his wand and was about to curse the man when suddenly a flurry of brooms whistled towards them from across the west.

'AVADA KEDAVRA!' Jets of green light whizzed past Harry's ears as the brooms circled them and they were trapped with no cover. A jet of purple light hit the wizard next to Harry and he was thrown over the roof and tumbled down on to the street. A green light hit him squarely on his back a second later and he was gone.

'PROTEGO DIABOLICA!' screamed Harry and billowing black flames burst forth from his wand and started circling and spiraling around them. The flames expanded and grew into a ring of ebony fire which encircled and protected them from any curses. Looking up and around, Harry saw five fully cloaked figures on the brooms, their hexes now repelled by the protective ring.

'STUPEFY!' 'EXPULSO!' 'CONFRINGO!' Jinxes now hurled towards the cloaked attackers as they tried helplessly to counter attack and as two of them fell off their brooms, the others decided to retreat and shot upwards into the sky. Harry refocused his attention onto the street which was now filled with Muggles and armed guards running towards the hotel. The prince was nowhere to be seen and Gavrilo ordered everyone to jump down and find him. Stupefying all of the guards, they ran into the railway station and scoped around for their target. There was a sudden bang and a door opened behind them, before they could turn however, a chorus of shots rang out and Harry dropped onto the ground instinctively, snapping his head around to see a group of soldiers holding revolvers firing furiously at them. It was the Austrian Imperial Guard, clad in their majestic uniforms and protecting the prince with their lives.

Gavrilo slashed his wand madly through the air and a few seconds later, all the guards lay dead on the floor. Glancing around, he noticed one of their own was dead. Ivan, the youngest wizard in their group lay bleeding and crumpled on the stone floor, his chest riddled with bullets. Ahead, Harry strode over to the door whence the soldiers came and found the prince cowering in a corner, his body bathed in blood and his garments singed with holes. Harry pointed his wand at the regal visitor, muttered 'Forgive me, your Majesty' and uttered 'Avada Kedavra!'. The green light lit up the room and Harry felt a surge of pleasure gushing through his veins, a sense of euphoria enveloping him as he felt the most powerful he had ever felt.


	3. Chapter 3

.chapter 3

...'No way!' laughed Hermione, rolling her eyes, 'I'm done with this game you idiots , I'm not playing anymore and you will not be seeing anything else...hmph!' and pointed her wand at the table shouting 'FINITE LUDUM!'. Hastily throwing her jeans and t-shirt back on, she walked towards the fireplace away from the others and curled up in a large squishy armchair with a copy of 'The Unsung Heroes of the Great War: House Elves, Goblins and Giants' in her hand. The evening was getting a bit too wild for her liking and she really wanted to finish reading her book. The others were playing a game that Fred and George had claimed was called 'Keep your Knickers On' and she shook her head in disbelief at what new ludicrity the twins' would think up to satisfy their insatiable thirst for merrymaking. The game involved a pack of enchanted cards and each player got two cards for themselves with five other cards laid out on the table that everyone could use to make a five card hand. The player with the worst hand would be attacked by all the cards which would then form themselves into a giant hand and forcefully yank off a piece of their clothing. Everyone except the twins had been thus victimised so far and poor Ron was shifting uncomfortably in his seat, with only a single sock left on his body (which he was using to cover something more important than his foot).

Harry, Ginny, Luna and the Patil twins were all in various states of undress, Ginny covering her perky tits with her hands since she hadn't worn a bra that day and Luna in her bizarre thong panties that only had a thin string of purplish plums between her legs to cover her modesty. As she wasn't the type to groom her lady parts, her barely there panties made her cooch look quite like an elderberry bush you would find in the Forbidden Forest. Apart from the usual crowd, Fred and George had brought a couple of stunning sixth year Hufflepuff girls, Olivia and Laura with them, who had already managed to lose all of their clothes and were now wrapped around each of the twins to try and hide their nakedness. Things were starting to get raunchy and Harry found it hard to keep his hands off of Ginny, the presence of her brothers the only thing keeping him from yanking off her shorts and ravaging her right there on the couch. The pitchers of butterbeer and the flagon of Dragonscotch didn't seem to ever finish and everyone was slowly starting to feel increasingly uninhibited and daring. Just as the mischievous cards sprang again, this time at Parvati's pajamas, the fat lady's portrait suddenly swung open and in lumbered Crabbe and Goyle, laughing and almost tripping over the portrait door as they made their way towards the crowd. Hermione looked up disapprovingly at the two newcomers but any objection to their presence was ruled out by Fred's shriek of joy as he disentangled himself from Olivia and jumped up to shake their hands. Narrowing her eyes at Ron, who was shooting surreptitious glances at the now exposed Olivia who didn't seem to mind how far apart her legs were, Hermione tried to return to her book, shaking her head at her friends' depravity.

The two Slytherins who were now surprisingly best buddies with Fred (George was not yet as cool with them) had kept their promise. They had gotten their hands on some Bulgarian kush, which was easily the most sought after weed in the whole wizarding world and everyone was eager to get stoned out of their minds. George summoned his favorite dragon-tooth smoking pipes which came whooshing down from the boys' dormitories and packed a fat bowl of green into both. Passing one to Harry, George lit his bowl chanting 'INCENDIO' and inhaled deeply, blowing out a thick cloud of smoke reminding Harry quite bizarrely of the Hogwarts Express. As Harry lit his bowl and took the pipe to his lips, the last thing he saw before lighting up was Ginny's exquisite little Hershey's Kisses nipples as she tied her hair back into a ponytail, laughing at George who had just started to tapdance...

That was when Harry woke up. He looked around, disoriented and dazed from his wacky dream, and rubbed his eyes, yawning and stretching his arms to ward off any urges to fall back asleep. He felt sore as he climbed down from his bed and traipsed out the door, a sudden breeze blowing through an arched window and making Harry realize with a start that he had no clothes on. A whorehouse wasn't a place where you worried about being caught walking around naked thought Harry as he went into the kitchen, enjoying the cool breeze on his balls. The kitchen was however already occupied as four women stood huddled together by the stove talking in hushed tones and they looked around as he came in, their eyes widening as he gazed at them curiously, noticing Natalija as she smiled warmly at him.

'Good morrning brave soldier, I 'ope you had a good sleep?' asked Natalija.

'Yeah, I feel well rested, pour me some beer will you?'

Harry sat on a stool, yawning again while she poured him a glass and tried to ignore the stares of the other three, who were now whispering to each other in some Slavic language, giggling and biting their lips, their eyes fixed on his swelling cock. Natalija handed him a mug and a cigarette which Harry took gladly, chugging half the liquid to quench his thirst and burping contentedly.

'You have helped us verry much Harry Potter, all of Serbia will remember you, they told us how you crushed the mighty prince of Austria.' said Natalija, beaming at him and glancing down with interest at his now erect cock.

'Oh, it was my pleasure Natali, the bastard deserved to die, it felt good to kill a prince.'

'You arr verry fearless...we arr so lucky to have your help' she replied, resting her hand on his thigh and sliding it slowly up to his balls, cupping them softly and tugging at them, making the blood rush to his cock as it swelled to its fullest size. Harry tingled with anticipation as she took his cock in her other hand, stroking it softly, her velvety hands making him quiver in pleasure. Without a word, Natalija got onto her knees, her hands still fondling him as she slipped his huge erection into her mouth, her tongue thrusting and dancing wildly around his cock, one hand wrapped around his back and the other massaging his balls. Knowing he wouldn't last for long in this position, Harry yanked her up forcefully by her hair and pushed her against the counter. She moaned with pleasure as he violently slapped her cheeks, making them a dark shade of pink. Ripping off her flimsy gown with a flourish, Harry jammed his manhood inside her dripping cunt, her wails of ecstasy flooding his body with testosterone and snapping him into a daze of pure primal lust, as he thrust his cock deep inside her.

'We should leave Sarajevo before they find us, Ferdinand's wizard guards will surely come back for us now, it's a shame we couldn't kill all those hooded fuckers.'

'I wasn't expecting them to fly at us like that, I thought we were fucked, if not for Harry we might have all ended up dead on the street like poor Andrej, may he rest in peace.'

Gavrilo listened to his brothers trying to plan their next move as they sat in the cellar drinking beer out of great wooden mugs. The events of the previous evening seemed surreal to him, they had assassinated the Austrian crown prince and he was worried about how the Austrians would respond. They hadn't planned on killing him and he was doubtful about whether it had been the right thing to do but he couldn't blame Harry as everything had happened so fast and they hadn't expected any wizards to be among the procession. The assassins had celebrated all night, a never ceasing supply of beer and whores to keep them entertained.

Harry was sitting away from the others, a bottle of fruit brandy clutched in his hand and several more empty ones on the table, his eyes closed and his feet resting on Danica's lap. She reminded him very much of Ginny, especially the way she moaned when he had ravaged her the day before. Her name was the only thing he had managed to get out of her so far since they didn't speak each other's tongues but they were already quite thick. He had been trying to think of a way to get back home but he had no idea how to apparate into the future and if it were possible at all. Maybe there was no choice but to simply live out the years or wait for another enchanted potato to pop up so that he could get back home.

The door burst open with a deafening crash and several hooded figures filed inside the brothel. Flashes of green and purple light lit up the dimly lit foyer where the girls had been merrily lounging about and the screams stopped as abruptly as they had started. The newcomers made their way to the stairwell, stepping over the bodies of dead and jinxed muggle whores and descended down to the basement noiselessy, their wands pointing straight ahead. They heard the sounds of laughter and whooping through the cellar door and the revellers hardly noticed as the intruders stepped inside, caught unawares and vulnerable, defenseless in their intoxicated state. Gavrilo, sitting closest to the door looked up, his eyes widening as he saw half a dozen wands pointing at him. The next few minutes were a blur. Gavrilo managed to jump out of the way, miraculously missing the jets of green light as he rolled under a table, whipping his wand out and screaming to warn the others. Some of them managed to look around and a couple of them succeeded in getting their wands out but all in vain. Once again, flashes of green light illuminated the dimly lit room and screams of horror echoed around them as several bodies crashed to the floor.

A loud bang stirred Harry from his stupor and he tried to lift his head to look around but it was no use. His head started to spin and he couldn't distinguish any sounds or sights. He felt someone tug at his legs urgently and saw jets of light shooting all across the room, the sound of screams and falling tables ringing in his ears. He saw Danica diving under the table, her hands yanking at his feet, making him slide off his chair and land on his back before she quickly pulled him under and away from the light. She whispered furiously in his ear, trying to rouse him from his comatose state and Harry tried hard to sit up by clutching onto her and propping himself against the table leg. Suddenly, she stiffened and became silent as a dark hooded figure came towards their table and paused a few feet in front of them. In a flash, he bent down and pulled her out, with her screaming and kicking furiously as he pinned both her hands behind her back and slapped her violently across her face, silencing her and reducing her to sob in fear.

He then drew out a long silver blade from below his belt that glinted in the dim reddish light and sliced her pretty neck in one fluid motion. Harry stared transfixed as blood spurted out of a large gash across her throat while she struggled in the man's grasp, the front of her thin satin gown getting soaked in her blood before he finally let her go. She slid to the floor, gasping for breath and sputtering blood, her hands trying to pinch her throat closed as her legs flailed about wildly. Harry could do nothing but gape as Danica took her last few breaths before ceasing to move, a pool of blood forming around her beautiful body. The murderer then grabbed her by the hair and pulled her along the ground, her blood streaking across the floor before he lifted her body up and slammed it onto a table. Harry watched in disbelief and horror as he lifted her gown, hitched up his robes and took his cock out, stroking it while looking at Danica's angelic face, managing to get it erect before he started to fuck her corpse. The pangs of nausea that had already been swirling around his head now multiplied and Harry gave an almighty retch before spilling his guts out, coughing and spluttering as he heaved under the table. The room was now quiet except for the sounds of thrusting and grunting coming from the necrophile as his companions walked slowly towards Harry's table, one of them blasting the table aside and stopping in front of him.

'STUPEFY!' he yelled and Harry crumpled helplessly onto the floor, his wand sticking out uselessly from his pocket. Everything went black and Harry passed out into nothingness.


End file.
